


Save Me (I’m Lost)

by starrywrite



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Attraction, Panic Attacks, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3133487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Zig saved Maya from herself. (based off of scenes from 14x03 and 14x06).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me (I’m Lost)

**Author's Note:**

> so i took a lil hiatus from watching degrassi for a few months but recently i’ve found myself, yet again, so far up this show’s ass and i dont even wanna talk about it. i also dont want to talk about how it’s only taken me three days to become zig/zaya af and how i just /had/ to do something about these resurfaced feelings. ergo - this fic! this is my first degrassi fic ever, so i apologize if anything appears to be OOC! just bare with me for now :)

The silence of Remedial Room is broken by a shrill scream, and Zig jolts forward, immediately looking over to Maya to make sure that she’s okay, when he realizes that the scream came from her. 

She looks around, breathless, as she tries to get a grip on her surroundings and the bell rings, signalling the end of class. Their other classmates, already growing uninterested in the brief moment of drama, gather their things and head out. Zig, on the other hand, stays in his seat watching Maya intently. He’s been worried about her for a while now; she wasn’t sleeping as much, seemingly always on edge, and definitely anxious about something. But whenever he brought it up to her, she claimed to be fine. And if Zig knows anything, he knows that “fine” is almost always a lie. 

It isn’t until she rises to her feet and begins to pack her things up that he finally follows suit.

As he goes to leave with Grace and Tiny, he lingers for a moment, making sure to walk as slowly as he can as he exits the classroom to try and get some insight as to what the hell just happened. Maya glances at him before talking to Ms. Grell, and even behind her glasses he can see that her eyes are wide with fear even after she’s awoken from her horrible dream. 

Instead of following Grace and Tiny to whatever endeavors they plan on getting up to between classes, he quickly walks around to the other entrance of the Remedial Room, hoping to run into her on the way and talk to her. He sees Maya just as she’s leaving the classroom.

“Hey,” he greets her, hoping to appear casual when he walks up to her side. She doesn’t say anything in return and Zig decides not to waste anymore time beating around the bush. They’ve been skirting around the topic for days now, and Zig can’t bear to sit back and do nothing any longer knowing something’s wrong with Maya. “You okay?”

“Fine,” she says shortly, not looking at him as they walk. She picks up speed, almost as if she’s trying to get away from him - or maybe she just wants to get away from this conversation. He doesn’t blame her; he doesn’t like confrontation either.

“Because you know,” he speeds up to stay by her side. He isn’t letting her get away that easily. “If something were wrong you could talk to me about it,” he adds.

“There’s nothing wrong, Zig,” she tries to tell him but he gently grabs her arm, stopping her before she can get away from him and she turns to face him.

“I’m not dumb,” he tells her. “I know something’s going on with you, and I’m worried about you, Maya. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He hates these moments of vulnerability where he finds himself feeling so transparent and exposed, but if stripping down his walls in an attempt to let Maya in will help, then so be it. 

She opens her mouth as if she’s going to say something, but almost immediately stops herself and instead says, “I’m sorry for worrying you.” 

“You don’t have to apologize,” he says. “I just -” now this time he stops himself, taking a moment to choose his words wisely, before settling with, “I just care about you, okay?” and he’s almost certain his face has gone red. “And if you don’t want to talk about it,” he quickly adds, “I won’t make you, but I just want you to know that you _can_ talk to me.” 

“Okay,” she says with a nod and forces a small smile for his sake. “Thanks Zig.”

He gives her shoulder a comforting squeeze before letting her head off to class, and the two of them go their separate ways. But Zig isn’t feeling any more comforted by their little talk and he spends the rest of his day with Maya on his mind.

* * *

It takes a bowl of popcorn and a John Hughes movie to get Maya to open up to him. 

Ironically they’re watching the scene in The Breakfast Club where everyone’s sitting in a circle, talking about how shitty their lives are and crying, when Maya blurts out, “Can I talk to you about something?” 

Zig reaches for the remote and mutes the film. “Anything,” he says. “What’s up?”

Maya falls silent, struggling to find the words to express how she’s feeling, and after a moment she asks him, “Do you think I’m cursed?”

His eyebrows knit together. “I don’t understand.”

“Well, I mean,” she sighs, bringing her fingers up to her mouth and bites around her already chewed fingernails. “First Cam, now Miles. I’m starting to think that -”

“Wait a second,” Zig interrupts, even more confused than he was a moment ago. “Cam and Miles don’t have anything in common.” She hesitates again, and in that moment, Zig starts to piece everything together. “Maya, Miles isn’t Cam, okay? Cam was - he was ill,” he tells her. 

“So, maybe Miles is too,” she insists. “Maybe the only difference between what happened with Cam and what’s happening with Miles is that I’m catching onto things sooner rather than later.”

“Maya…” Zig finds himself at a loss for words. Now it all makes sense - Maya’s obsessive behavior concerning Miles, her nightmares, her worrying, her anxiety. “Maya, if you really think something’s going on with Miles why don’t you talk to him?”

“I tried,” she admits. “He told me that he was fine and that I need to mind my own business, but Zig what if he’s lying? What if something really is wrong with him?”

“Maya.” Zig positions himself so he’s facing her and he places his hands on her shoulders. “Listen to me, okay? Miles is not Cam.”

“But -”

“Miles is not Cam,” he repeats and he hopes that he’s getting through to her. “And what happened to Cam isn’t going to happen to Miles, okay?”

She shakes her head. “You don’t know him like I do, Zig,” she insists. “He’s - he’s unstable, okay? He has all these highs and lows, and he has a pretty bad temper, he has a bad home life -”

“Just because he has a million reasons to do something horrible to himself doesn’t mean he’s going to,” Zig tries to tell her. “Maybe you’re right about him having problems but you can’t go around accusing people of being suicidal just because of what happened with Cam.” Admittedly that was a bit harsh, but sometimes Maya needs tough love to get her to open her eyes and realize that she’s wrong. She has every right to be concerned about Miles’ wellbeing but Zig knows he’s right about this; the only reason Maya thinks he might hurt himself is because of what happened with Cam. “Look,” he starts when he notices the crestfallen look on her face. “All I’m saying is you have nothing to worry about, okay?”

Maya doesn’t say anything for a moment, and she closes her eyes trying not keep the tears at bay and she chokes out, “I can’t lose someone else.”

“You aren’t going to lose anyone,” he tells her, caressing her cheek. “I promise,” he adds and maybe he shouldn’t go around making promises he can’t keep, but he wants so badly just to help her. He wants her to feel safe and happy again; he wants the old Maya back. 

She doesn’t look convinced but she allows Zig to pull her into him, wrapping his arms protectively around her and holding her tightly. She claws at him, clinging to him like a koala to a tree, and she whimpers, “I’m scared, Zig.”

“Don’t be scared,” he tells her. There’s a pain in his chest resembling something similar to heartbreak. “Don’t be scared,” he repeats. “I’m here, okay? I’ll always be here.”

“Thank you,” she tells him. They don’t move from where they’re seated, the rest of the movie playing on mute without either of them realizing it. 

* * *

It’s the middle of the night when Zig hears a scream coming from Maya’s room, and instantly he’s pulled out of his sleep, throwing his covers back and turning his lamp on as he rushes out of his room and next door to her’s. Even though it’s not the first time this has happened, every time he’s awoken by Maya screaming he can’t help but to fear for the worst.

He almost sighs in relief when he sees her sitting in her bed, sheets tangled around her and not at the mercy of some psych with a gun - or worse, Vince. “Another Miles nightmare?” he asks with a yawn, lingering in her doorway.

“They won’t stop,” she tells him and the corners of his lips dip into a frown. “I’m so anxious, I haven’t slept in days.”

He knows that’s not exaggeration; the walls in the Matlin house aren’t as thick as they appear to be and more often than not, Zig can hear Maya whimpering in her sleep, a victim to her own mind. He hates that this is happening to her and even more so, he hates Miles for doing this to her. The dick doesn’t have the decency to sit down with her for five minutes and reiterate to her that he’s fine? Of course he can’t, because he doesn’t care - he doesn’t care about anything or anyone except for himself and Zig doesn’t understand why Maya can’t realize this. He can’t understand why Maya cares so much about someone who doesn’t give a fuck about her, but at the same time, he can. It’s the same reason he cares so much about her. 

“Well, uh,” he scratches the back of his head as he walks into her room, suggesting, “I could sing you a lullaby.” Maya looks at him with confusion written all over her face and Zig smirks a little. “Oh, I’ll do it,” he insists and when she flashes him a look of disbelief, he takes a seat on the edge of her bed and starts to sing, “ _Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are -_ ”

“Okay,” Maya laughs a little, taking one of her pillows and smacking him in the shoulder with it. Zig missed her smile. “Thank you, now I’m going to have nightmares about that,” she teases.

“Well then, my job here is done,” Zig jokes, and he gets up to leave because rules are rules and if he stays in her room another moment longer, he’ll allow himself to be convinced to stay the night and if Mrs. Matlin catches the two of them in bed together, he’ll find himself squatting again. As much as he just wants to crawl into bed with Maya and hold her in his arms and tell her that everything is going to be okay, he can’t risk getting thrown out and giving Maya another thing to worry about. If he’s going to help her, he has to be under the same roof as her.

He hesitates for a moment, then turns around once again. “But seriously, Maya,” he says. “You need help.”

“No,” Maya insists, and Zig bites back a sigh. This girl can be so stubborn sometimes, always ready to help everyone else before she helps herself. It’s a blessing and a curse. “I just need to get my mind off of Miles,” she tells him. Zig isn’t sure if she’s trying to convince him or herself. 

“Well, then I could give you some Kanye,” he suggests and Maya chuckles softly. “I’ve got his entire catalogue memorized.”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to cut it,” she tells him, offering a lopsided smile in his direction, probably to convince him that she really is fine but Zig can see right through it. And after he leaves her room, he lies in bed, staying up for a good two more hours just making sure that Maya sleeps easily through the rest of the night.

* * *

Maya’s anxiety over Miles hasn’t gone away like he hoped it would; in fact, it’s getting worse. She’s convinced that something’s wrong with him, that he’s going to hurt himself like Cam had, and nothing Zig says to her can convince her that she’s wrong. Miles might be irrational and unstable, and Zig can’t deny that moneybags has been acting strange lately, but he’s not Cam. And it doesn’t matter how many times Zig tells her this, Maya just isn’t hearing him.

The whole debacle between Maya and Miles in the Matlin’s kitchen was bad enough, where Miles stormed in and yelled at Maya to leave him alone, but the tip of the iceberg has to be when he finds himself in the backseat of Grace’s car with Maya in the front seat, giving her directions to the Hollingsworth home. “This is insane,” he says but he goes unheard. “And in case either of you have forgotten, breaking and entering is totally illegal,” he adds and while it _is_ a tad hypocritical of him to be preaching about breaking the law, it sure as hell is not worth going to juvie getting caught breaking into Miles’ house.

Because that’s what they’re doing right now - breaking into Miles’ house. Because Maya’s paranoid and Grace is bored and Zig is just utterly helpless right now. His friend is losing her mind before his eyes and there’s nothing he can do.

The scene that unfolds at Miles’ house, who is in fact fine - just sick and pissed off at Maya for going all _Girl, Interrupted_ on him - is a trainwreck to say the least, and Zig has to pull her out of his house kicking and screaming, then hold her during the entire car ride back to Degrassi, whispering sweet nothings to her while she goes on and on, damn near in hysterics, about how she _knows_ something is wrong with Miles. He keeps his arms wrapped tightly around her and somehow - in the midst of her trying to get out of Grace’s car and rush back into the Hollingsworth home - she ends up seated in his lap, and Zig holds onto her - insisting that it’s because he doesn’t want her flying off the handle yet again. (Grace’s judgey eyes tells him that she knows he’s full of shit - and he is). 

Once they’re back at Degrassi, Maya wrenches herself away from him and gets out of Grace’s car, ignoring the sarcastic “Thank you!” the other girl yells to her as she rushes inside. Zig ignores Grace as well, making a mental note to apologize on Maya’s behalf later, and he runs after Maya, following her into the computer lab. 

She doesn’t waste any time grabbing one of the school’s laptops and Zig bites his bottom lip, anxiously, while Maya’s fingers fly across her keyboard, eyes focused on the screen. “Maya, stop,” he says to her because this is getting out of hand and the longer Maya spends obsessing over Miles, the more Zig starts to worry about her. This isn’t healthy behavior and he isn’t even sure if he can call it an obsession anymore; it’s consuming her, it’s taking over her life, and Zig is scared. He’s fucking _scared_. 

“Can’t,” she mutters, still typing furiously, and Zig sighs. 

“Maya, please,” he pleads with her and all he wants is to grab her hands, wrenching them away from the computer. He wants to take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, he wants to tell her that everything is fine and that she has nothing to worry about. He wants to tell her that Miles isn’t Cam. But he doesn’t; he can’t. So instead, he just stands there with his arms crossed and he tells her, “You’re freaking me out.” 

She doesn’t say anything.

Zoë storms in the room a moment later, ranting and raving about something but it’s obvious that Maya isn’t paying attention to what she’s saying. Zig barely hears what Zoë’s saying as well, focusing entirely on Maya right now and his brow furring together in confusion when he sees her hands stop typing abruptly, raised in the air for a moment in confusion. 

“He blocked me,” she says in defeat and even though Zig hates to see the broken look on her face right now, he can’t help but to almost sigh in relief. Maybe that means this will finally be over. 

“Why would he do that?” she asks, and almost immediately she’s at it again, typing away as if her life is depending on it - as if Miles’ life is depending on it. 

Zoë’s still rambling about whatever it is that’s got her so pissed off right now, and Zig anxiously watches Maya, a feeling of dread washing over him because he just _knows_ this isn’t going to go down well at all. Maya is at her peak, she’s reaching her breaking point and it’s only a matter of time before -

“I can’t let that happen again,” she says suddenly and before either of them can ask what she means, she gasps, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” and Zig nearly jumps out of his skin when Maya leaps to her feet, taking the laptop and throwing it across the room. Zoë is rendered silent by this, shock and horror written all over her face as she looks over at Zig with a look of _what the fuck is going on?_. He just stares at her, mouth agape, wishing he had answers. 

He turns to her, feeling helpless as he watches her pace for a moment, struggling to calm herself down. Her breathing is shallow and rapid, getting progressively worse until she’s having a full blown panic attack and Zig’s heart nearly stops.

“Maya?” he and Zoë rush to her side as she lowers herself to the ground. Almost immediately she grips the denim of Zig’s jeans, her clammy hands struggling to hold onto him. “Okay, Maya, deep breaths, alright?” he tells her. “We’re right here, okay?” And he puts his hand on her knee just to reassure her. 

She nods but it doesn’t ease her breathing, and Zig wonders if they should take her to the nurse, or at the very least call a teacher. He hasn’t the foggiest idea as to what he should be doing right now, but Maya’s got a tight grip on him and he knows he has to do _something_ to help her. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he tells her, rubbing her back soothingly. “It’s okay, I’m here - we’re here, Zoë and I are here for you.” 

Zoë whispers some soothing words to her as well and the minutes feel like hours but eventually Maya calms down, and Zig is the one who feels like he can breathe easily now. 

She slumps forward, exhausted, and leans on top of him. “Jesus, Matlin,” Zoë sighs, one hand pressed to her chest, the other rubbing Maya’s back. 

“I’m sorry,” Maya mumbles, her face pressed against Zig’s shoulder. Her entire body is tense and stiff, and Zig can’t resist wrapping his arms around her and just holding her. She doesn’t react at first and he almost lets her go, but then she tiredly raises her arms to hug him back and she presses herself closer to him. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, her voice softer now. 

“It’s okay,” he tells her, giving her a reaffirming squeeze. “It’s going to be okay,” he adds. 

“God, I hope you’re right,” she tells him and Zig just thinks to himself, _‘God, I hope I’m right too.’_

* * *

Another scream pulls Zig out of his sleep, and even though he knows it’s Maya and he knows that she’s only had a nightmare and she’s not in any real danger - apart from herself - he still throws his covers back and jumps up to his feet, rushing across the hall to her room. 

He stands in her doorway while she sits up in her bed, chest heaving and eyes wide. It’s a scene the two of them have found themselves repeating lately. 

“Again?” Zig asks sympathetically. 

“What if I have this dream for the rest of my life?” Maya asks him, desperation in her tone. Zig feels a tug on his heartstrings; he understands how hard this has to be for her, becoming a victim to your deepest fears and anxieties. But there comes a point when you need to say enough is enough and learn to let it go. For some reason, Maya can’t bring herself to do that. “Miles thinks it’s me; that he’s fine and I’m the one with the problem,” she says as he walks inside and sits on the edge of her bed once again. “He’s messed up Zig, I _know_ it.”

“Maya,” he says gently. “This is taking over your life.”

She stares at him in disbelief for a moment. “Y - you think I’m crazy,” she chokes out.

“I think you need help,” he replies. 

She pauses, taking in what he’s said and he can see the realization wash over her face when she finally admits, “I think you’re right.” Zig didn’t want to be right. “I’m gonna talk to mom tomorrow,” she says. 

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks.

Maya sighs a little. “Try that lullaby again,” she tells him. He smiles a little and she surprises him by smiling back. God, he’s missed her smile. “Zig?” she asks timidly after a moment of silence, and she looks away from him to glance down at her fidgeting hands in her lap. 

“Yeah?”

She hesitates.“Please stay,” she tells him, her voice barely above a whisper.

His voice is equally as soft when he says, “Of course,” and he reaches out to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. She looks up at him as he does so, the two of them locking eyes for a brief moment and it takes all of Zig’s strength not to lean in and press his lips to hers. As badly as he wants to, he can’t. He just can’t. 

So instead, he makes himself comfortable at the head of her bed, sitting on top of her covers because even when the lines between them blur he can’t bring himself to cross them. Maya tucks herself in next to him and she rests her head on his chest. He closes her eyes, inhaling her coconut scented shampoo and she whispers, “Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” he tells her and he bites his tongue so the words, “I love you,” don’t spill from his lips next.


End file.
